The Kids Are Not the Distraction

On Parenting:

I have talked to a number of women lately with either one baby or with several kids all quite small still.  The thing I keep hearing over and over is that they can't keep up with all the work that needs to be done around the house because the little ones need so much of their time.

If there is one thing I would like to impart, now that I've not only "been there, done that", and am almost through it (though still have an 8 year old who really needs me) is that the children are the job and the other things are the distraction.  I know it feels like it is the other way around because before kids the housework, shopping and cooking were the jobs.

The children have to, need to, must, come first.  If they are cared for; fed, dressed, read to, played with, kept safe and most of all, loved, your duty for the day is done.  Yes, they need clean clothes and dishes so those jobs must be done.  The garbage needs to go out, the towels folded and the beds made (although I'm not so sure about that last one all the time.)

The point is to not make the children feel as though they are in your way, and taking time away from the "important" things that need to be done.  They need to know that they are the important ones.

I know a lot of young moms can't afford a mother's helper or a cleaning lady. I sure know I couldn't.  So I offer some suggestions:  On Sunday evening when everyone is safely tucked in bed, make a list of things that absolutely must get done in the coming week.

-Don't make it so long that you'll never accomplish it and then feel guilty.  Make it manageable.

-Start you day by getting dressed, including shoes.  It makes you feel ready.  Staying in pjs just makes you want to go back to bed.

-Let the kids help!   No, everything will not be done to mom specifications, but they will learn the value of working together and having fun getting the job done.  (Remember Mary Poppins!)

-Make life easier.  With our kitchen re-do still in progress, I have all of the silverware in a plastic storage container.  I have found that it is so easy to empty the dishwasher silverware rack these days because I just grab and dump--no sorting.  Not one person has complained that it is not all lined up neatly in a drawer.

And, finally:

-Never, ever apologize for the mess when someone comes to visit.  They are there to see you, not critique your home.  If you bring it up and then belabor it, the visit is wasted.  Instead, clear off a spot on the table, give your guest a glass of water and enjoy their company. If you feel you must say something, make it light. Perhaps: careful walking through our obstacle course.

Trust me, the day will come when the house is clean all the time. (I'm so not there yet!!)  But, it will also be a lot emptier.  Enjoy your littles, and the rest will fall into place in its proper time.



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